Sex scenes. Is there any other type of scene that causes writers so much stress? Sure, some of us struggle with dialogue and others can’t get the hang of action scenes, but the idea of putting our characters in bed together leaves many of us sweaty and shaky. And not in a good way.
Then again, maybe I’m biased. I’m asexual (I don’t experience sexual attraction) so writing a sex scene tends to make me feel like I’m faking it. The mechanics are easy enough to grasp, but the emotions behind it – especially when they’re mixed up with love – are a bit of a mystery.
Disclaimer: Not all asexual people feel this way. Some aces are both confident and talented at writing sex scenes. There are even some openly asexual erotica authors.
So, what are the benefits of including sex scenes in fiction? Is it actually worth the trouble, or should we be keeping our characters’ bedroom doors firmly closed? Without further ado, let’s pro/con this shit.
Pros
Some readers expect sex scenes
Some readers will inevitably feel cheated if the characters they’ve been shipping from page one don’t have sex, or if they only have sex “off the page”. Sometimes this is justified. For example, if the book is marketed as a “high heat” romance, the reader is entitled to expect more than a peck on the cheek.
Sometimes it’s less clear-cut. Regardless of what genre you’re writing, you need to consider how you’re portraying a couple or potential couple. If their connection is mainly emotional, intellectual or spiritual, it’s fine to avoid sex scenes.
But if you endlessly emphasise their physical attraction to each other and describe every lingering glance or touch in great detail, but fade to black after they finally kiss, this may feel like an anti-climax (no pun intended) to the reader.
They can make readers take a relationship seriously
Does a relationship magically become more serious, intense or committed after sex? No. Are readers likely to take the relationship more seriously if the people involved have some really good sex? Yes.
Show two characters who are clearly “sexually compatible” and many readers will instantly think they are soulmates. I dunno, it’s a weird quirk of non-asexual people, but there’s no getting around it.
Sex scenes can break taboos
Sex in the mainstream media is often pretty samey in terms of who’s doing it and how they’re doing it. You could be forgiven for thinking the only people who have sex are young, conventionally attractive straight people, and the only kind of sex they have is missionary-position PIV stuff.
If you’re feeling brave, you can write sex scenes that break taboos. Whether it’s writing sex scenes between LGBT+ characters or people with underrepresented body types, or confronting society’s hang-ups (there are a million of them, from kink to female body hair) a good sex scene can tackle stigmas in a really powerful way.
Sex scenes in YA can explore important issues
Some people feel that sex has no place in YA books. Personally, I disagree. Books are an ideal way of exploring the emotional side of sex, including crucial issues like consent. Sex in YA books is likely to be more realistic than porn, and more engaging than a sex education class. Also, it’s low pressure. If a teen feels uncomfortable, they can just put the book down.
Cons
Sex scenes get too much attention
Okay, let’s move on to the negatives. Firstly, sex scenes tend to draw a reader’s focus. So much so that they can often distract attention from other, more important parts of the book.
When I wrote my first novel, it contained one sex scene. It was one and a half paragraphs long, and non-graphic. It wasn’t particularly good, particularly bad, or particularly crucial to the plot. When I showed the first draft to a friend, can you guess what the first scene he remarked on was? Yep.
This is a pretty universal experience for writers, with sex scenes receiving way more scrutiny than other scenes. There’s even a “Bad Sex Award” dedicated to mocking clumsy writing about sex. There’s no “Crappy Dialogue Award” or “Unrealistic Fight Scene Award”.
It’s easy to lose sight of character
Because of the physicality of sex, and because certain things are supposed to happen in a certain order, it can be all too easy for a writer to lose sight of character. Some writers manage to avoid this, but there are many sex scenes that could be literally any two characters having sex.
There’s no nice word for “pubes”
Finding the right words for body parts when writing a sex scene is a nightmare. You’ve basically got three choices:-
- Use dirty words (you know the ones) and risk sounding crude or pornographic.
- Use anatomical terms like “penis” and “vagina” and risk sounding like a Biology textbook.
- Use coy euphemisms like “length” and “entrance” and risk sounding like a giggly Edwardian chambermaid.
People have A LOT of opinions about sex
This is hardly a newsflash, but people have very strong opinions about sex. And yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but let’s be honest – some of those opinions are f*cking stupid.
You could write the most beautiful, heartfelt sex scene imaginable. But if it’s between two men, two women, two fat people or any number of people other than two, some reader somewhere is going to kick off.
Readers also disagree strongly about sex in fiction. Some think sex scenes don’t belong in any genre except erotica, while others think a romance without sex is prudish and pointless. It’s a bit of a no-win situation.
Okay, we’ve got equal pros and cons so far, so I’m leaving it up to you to break the tie. What’s the verdict on writing sex scenes? Do you? Would you ever? What is a sexy word for “pubes”? Help a girl out here!